Set In Wood
by StarCatBurning
Summary: Most memories are set in stone, but this Fathers' Day, Dick Grayson has something else planned. Fathers' Day Special.


**So... Another one. Since The Cold II has also grown _slightly_ in popularity. Also, sorry for being MIA for so long. Inspiration's been offline for a while.**

**Millipedes R Awesome, thanks for reviewing. This one's for you :D**

**Disclaimer: Teen Titans doesn't belong to me. Nor you. Nor anyone else on this site. (Unless they happen to be from DC or Warner Bros, of course.)**

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The Cold III

_"Atchoo!"_ Beast Boy squawked as he turned into a giant chicken, not unlike the one he had gotten Raven at the fair. In fact, the only difference besides the colour was that one was stuffed, and the other wasn't. _Which one _was stuffed was subject to personal judgement. (In Raven's opinion, Beast Boy.)

"Aww, baann!" Beast Boy, once resuming his normal form, exclaimed, glaring at Robin. "I bust've godd id frubb-_ Atchoo!_" A large green cow was now sitting on the sofa.

"Oi! Gerroff ma' sofa!" yelled Cyborg, shoving the cow with all his strength. It flopped forlornly forward, falling off the sofa, and a moment later there was a small groan and Beast Boy was lying spread-eagled on the floor. He sat up, rubbing his head, and declared indignantly, "I bead, he gabe bee da_- Atchoo! Atchoo! ATCHOO!_" Poor Beast Boy changed from a horse to a mouse to a dinosaur.

"Right," came Robin's slightly muffled voice from, regretfully, where he was squashed underneath Beast Boy's tail. "You're staying home."

And who would dare to disagree?

Starfire, being Starfire, had kindly volunteered to stay home and look after Beast Boy. Everyone else agreed, partly because she _had_ volunteered, and partly because nobody else wanted to be mangled under the sudden weight of a 200-ton stegosaurus.

So there she was, tucking him into bed and crooning him a Tamaranian lullaby. (Which in addition to be loud, was also very tuneless.)

She had just finished putting the blanket over him when- _"Atchoo!"_ A small lump sat underneath the blankets. Starfire was about to rearrange them when- _"Atchoo!"_ The horn of a rhino tore through the sheets.

When Starfire finally managed to get Beast Boy tucked into bed, she sat down on the floor, leaning against the bed with her legs tucked up close to her chest. She had brought something for light reading from her room - something which went by the notorious title of '_Kama Sutra_', a gift from Bruce.

Reviewing the many different positions of copulation which there were, she made notes on some in Tamaranian for further reference, and ticked out with a pencil other interesting ones that she might like to try with Robin sometime, smiling to herself as she did so, while wincing at the occasional 'atchoo'.

"Dude! Whadzha' doin'?" an inquisitive green head poked over her shoulder.

Starfire jumped. "Beast Boy! I thought you were sleeping?"

"Well, yeah, I got bored!"

Starfire frowned and tried to forcefully tuck him back in, but Beast Boy got one good look at the cover as the book slipped from her knees and fell to the floor. He wouldn't be dissuaded.

_"_Ewww! Seriously, _Kaba Sudra_?_"_

Starfire frowned. "But Beast Boy, I do not see what is the 'wrong' with it. It is simply a book on many different positions of copulation, and I find it extremely helpful."

Beast Boy had originally wanted to tell her what exactly was 'the wrong' with it, but after a moment's worth of rare higher-level cognitive processing, he decided against it. Noooo, he wanted to look inside. And he couldn't exactly do that if Starfire wasn't going to show him.

_"Weeell, fiiide,"_ Beast Boy tried smoothing over the topic, _"But can'd I read too? I can'd really sleeb ib I keeb -Atchoo!" _he'd sneezed, as if proving his point.

Starfire deliberated this. Well, he did have a point. And plus, it was a way to keep him quiet. Well, relatively quiet. "Well then, you may read." Beast Boy whooped and settled down on the bed, reading over Starfire's shoulder. They sat like this in silence for a minute. Then, _"Could you read to bee? I'b only staring at der pictures."_

So Starfire read to Beast Boy, explaining about the different positions, how they were meant to induce different types and degrees of pleasure, and he listened, completely enraptured, not just because of the influx of new knowledge, but also because of the fun he was going to have, teasing Robin about _using a trapeze._

That was partly why, when the time came for Beast Boy to take his medicine, he was very reluctant. "Pleeaase, Star? Just one more page?" Starfire was adamant. "No, Beast Boy. You shall read later, after you have taken your medicine."

Starfire left Beast Boy tucked into bed as best as she could (with the odd hoof, beak or tail sticking out from underneath the blankets) and flew down to get a glass of hot water and Beast Boy's medicine, which consisted of two tablets and a bottle of dark red, almost brown, oozing liquid. The smell, colour and texture reminded Starfire of the_pot'koi glurg_ stew which Galfore used to make to cure the infamous _prek'thip _disease, which had caused the appearance of orange spots on her tongue for days. She sniffed it, made a face, then flew upstairs to where Beast Boy was waiting. He sniffed the air. "Peee-ewww! What _is_ that?"

Starfire raised the bottle. "It is the medicine. Consume it and you may feel better."

She poured a tablespoon full of medicine and brought it to Beast Boy's mouth. "Say 'ahh'."

Beast Boy took one sniff of the medicine, and wrinkled his nose. "Ahhh... Ahhh... _ATCHOOOOO!_"

And the mother of all sneezes broke loose from his newfound elephant trunk.

Medicine flew everywhere, and the glass of hot water Starfire was holding flew into the air. When the dust cleared, quite literally (Beast Boy made it a habit not to clean his room at all) there was pandemonium.

Dark red splotches of medicine stained the floor, the bed, the wall, and all over his and Starfire's clothes. Particularly in Starfire's lap. Her skirt had taken the full brunt of the blow, and was soaked. In addition to that, her top was splashed with scalding hot water, and transparency was now an issue. Quite a big issue. Beast Boy cringed and tried to look away, but again, the less rational side of his brain was savouring the _view._

Starfire seemed to notice what he was staring at, and turned bright red with embarrasement.

"Ahh... My clothes are in my room, Beast Boy. Would you please lend me the shirt of the extras so that I may return to my room to be changed?"

"Um, sure." Beast Boy coloured, took out the biggest shirt he could find in his wardrobe (which was also very messy) and Starfire put it on, while Beast Boy looked away. Yes, properly away. Although there was one point where he couldn't resist and gave himself chameleon's eyes. Just for a second.

After Starfire had put on the shirt and walked out, Beast Boy relaxed a little. After they cleaned it up, they could both pretend that this had never happened... But now, he desperately needed a shower. He ran in the direction of the bathroom in haste. If he could get clean before Raven came back and whacked him upside the head...

Starfire flew down the corridor, fast and low. If she could get back to her room, she could be cleansed. She hated the feel of the nasty-smelling medicine staining her clothes, and Beast Boy's shirt did not smell too delectable, either. Also, the medicine was thick and sticky, and, much to her disgust, congealed rather easily, forming a crusty stain on her skirt which she was sure would take ages to come off. Reflexively she glanced over at the door of the Tower. She must not let Robin see her in this state. She was unpresentable, both as a teammate and a princess, and it would not do good to... WHAM. She'd slammed into someone, and she tumbled out of the air and rolled over that someone a few times, staring down at...

"Robin? !" she squeaked.

"Yes, Starfire?" he grumped, annoyed that she'd just toppled him over.

"I... I did not realise that you would be back so soon! I... ahhh... hehheh..."

She tried to make a quick escape, but Robin grabbed her waist, pulling her down. "What's going on? Why are you wearing Beast Boy's shirt? And why is there... blood?"

Like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, something horribly irrational started to form in Robin's head. Sure, the poor boy was probably delirious from lack of sleep, but that didn't stop his mind jumping to conclusions. He'd clicked in the last piece of the puzzle. And the picture formed was a scene from a nightmare.

His whole body started shaking. "You... you... didn't... did you...?" he stuttered. "Tell me you didn't..."

_He must find me horrendous-looking._ She hung her head and did not reply.

Robin, taking her lack of response to mean consent, exploded. "God, Star, he's just a KID! You just ruined his whole life for him! What's Raven going to say? And did you think about _me_ when you did what you did? What the hell?"

Starfire looked shocked by his outburst. "Robin, I-"

"Don't give excuses! Did you know what you just did? It may be fine on Tamaran, but for God's sake this is EARTH!"

He yelled out the last word, and she flinched, as if he'd just slapped her. A jolt ran through his heart, and he realised maybe he shouldn't have been so harsh with her. But Beast Boy...

"Robin..."

"Yeah?" he asked, distracted.

"Awww, yeah! Look at ya'll!" A very amused Cyborg stood over the two of them, smirking with his hands on his hips and wagging his finger at them. "Look at ya'll go. Bedroom ain't enough, eh?"

Robin turned a very interesting colour as he realised the compromising position they were in. "We...er, weren't doing anything!" Cyborg raised an eyebrow. "Man, she got blood all over her an' ya don't say I ain't gon' believe ya? An' she's wearing ya shirt! Nice try, _Boy Blunder_, but you ain't foolin' old Cy."

"Well- bleurgh- Cy- oh...god... Arrgggghhhh!" Robin could have pulled out all his hair. Here he was, stuck in the wrong place at the wrong time. And damn, suddenly he was very self conscious, aware that any little movement Starfire made brushed up between his legs, and something was starting to feel uncomfortable. Very, very uncomfortable.

"Do you wish for me to remove myself?"

"Huh? Oh, erm, yeah. _Please_." Maybe the last word sounded a bit more desperate than it should have, but _whatever_.

He kept his cape carefully wrapped around him as she stood, wriggling away from him, and he went a fascinating shade of blue.

"Ahhh..."

"Is there something which is the 'wrong'?"

He steeled himself. "No, it's fine, just fine."

"And may I enquire as to why you are... wrapped up?"

"I... ugghh." No way was he taking the chance to explain.

Starfire frowned in rapt concentration. "I believe you are trying to disguise that you have what Cyborg calls the 'hard-on'?"

Robin began gasping like a fish out of water. This was _so_ not in his territory.

"Just... don't..." he lifted his foot to take a step forward and promptly fell flat on his face. He hadn't realised how serious it actually was.

Starfire moved forward to help him up.

"Don't touch me!" he gasped, and stumbled upright, tripping over his feet. Without a backward glance shuffled off awkwardly in the direction of his room. He was going to need a shower. A very, very _cold_ shower.

Robin sighed when he finally slammed the bathroom door behind him, panting as he leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath. He was relieved to have escaped from Starfire before she could embarrass him further.

"Whew. That was close," he muttered to himself, and in a frenzy tore off his clothes, stripping quickly. He just couldn't wait to be in the shower and finally get rid of this , erm,_hindrance_.

He sighed to himself as pulled off his uniform completely. Finally, he was rid of the tight Spandex.

Reaching out a hand, he was about to pull back the shower curtain when-

The shower curtain was pulled back, and he came face to face with...

"AHHHHHHH!" yelled Robin.

"ATCHOOOOO!" yelled Beast Boy, as he slipped in shock.

A hippo now sat on top of Robin's head.

Even though Beast Boy had just bathed, Robin could say that the hippo wasn't exactly _fragrant._

Beast Boy quickly returned to his normal form, but to make matters worse...

The door banged open, and who should come in but Cyborg, with a towel slung over his shoulder. He nearly trod on the two as they lay half dazed on the floor.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YA'LL DOIN' NAKED ON THE FLOOR? !"

Robin groaned as, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Starfire coming down the corridor. His day was about to get a whole lot worse.

"Please, Robin, are you conducting the threesome?"

A dark raven appeared- obviously Raven was annoyed by the lack of quiet in the Tower. When she saw Robin and Beast Boy, the corners of her lips quirked up.

"Why, Robin. Getting sentimental?" She held up _Kama Sutra, _which was covered in dark red medicine stains_._ "Might I suggest you use a trapeze? It does work, you-"

"Kill me," groaned Robin, practically dying of embarrassment. "Kill me right now."

Unfortunately, he was not granted the privilege. Instead, his communicator beeped, and his eyes widened in horror, his arms reaching out, but it was already too late. Batman's amused face appeared onscreen.

"_The shower, Robin?_"

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**Yay, all done. Hope you enjoyed it!**

**-StarCat**


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